How to Build Your Self Esteem

how to build your selfesteem christine miller

http://allweatherfencing.com/wp-json/oembed/1.0/embed?url=http://allweatherfencing.com/ Building Your Self Esteem

how to build your selfesteem christine miller

"Dear Christine,

Progress in my life has been dogged by very low self esteem – always as a child put down by my mother and lately by my husband.
Do I have to go through life like this? Help!”

PJ, London, UK

 

Dear PJ,

First of all, I’d like to commend you for writing to ask for help. That’s an excellent step towards taking charge of your life now, and becoming more confident in asking for your needs to be met.  Also, acknowledging that sometimes you feel less good about yourself is another healthy step towards building your self worth and love for yourself.  And, be assured, if you decide to do so, then you can certainly change the way you go through life.

Now I’m going to make an assumption that since you’re asking for advice, you have decided that you want to make changes in the way you are going through your life. I’m also going to assume that you’re prepared to consider the suggestions that may be offered to you – and when you choose, to take action on those suggestions.

As I can’t ask you directly how you would define self-esteem, then let me describe what self-esteem means to me both professionally and personally.

[Read more...]

New ReSource hot off the press

ReSource Edition 17


It’s been a busy few weeks getting this edition of ReSource off to print, and there are some really great interviews and articles which I’ve really enjoyed preparing.

I also relished designing the fresh summer cover -

ReSource Edition 17

ReSource Edition 17

Some snippets

‘Generation Y’ has featured  strongly, it wasn’t an intentional thing, simply that it was topical amongst the people I was speaking to.

Generalisation about any group is not ideal, and can be dangerous, and we acknowlede that there are always exceptions, yet Don Tapscott, Marshall Goldsmith, Kate Sweetman and Marcus Buckingham are all talking about the differences between this group of 16 – 31 year olds and the ‘boomers’ – the message is that they are flexible, value-driven and aren’t impressed by materialism in the way previous generations have been – they won’t compromise their ideals.

click for more Kate Sweetman talks about the fact that Gen Y ‘s values, needs and wants are very similar to those that women have traditionally upheld –

“I predict that companies that can solve the C-level gender gap will also win the Talent war for the best and the brightest in Gen Y.  What women have always wanted and what Gen Y demands are virtually the same things.”

buy Lyrica Don Tapscott advocates listening to young people and acting on their input. He says of the Net Generation:

“they are the first ever global generation, and they are defined by these eight norms. If you are designing a company, a brand, a marketing programme, or a government, it doesn’t matter what it is, these eight norms need to be at the centre of it.”

Marcus Buckingham (in London next week – check out his June 10 event here – ReSource will be there as a media partner) noted:

“All the research that I have seen shows that Gen Y is a ‘volunteerist’ generation, and an optimistic generation, but they are clueless about what it takes to perform”

Marshall Goldmsith has some great advice:

“For young people, my advice is that the world you are growing up in is a much more competitive world than the world I grew up in. Make sure you love what you do, or you are going to be living in what I call ‘New Age Professional Hell’“.

These are just a selection from the host of valuable, great articles covering a range of topics from business leadership and personal success to spirituality and well-being – check out www.resourcemagazine.co.uk and subscribe so you don’t miss out on a truly great ReSource!


Change, Evolution and Transformation

pygmalion

 

Preference or difference?

The recent post about ‘the robin who thinks he’s a humming bird’ talks about the rate of evolution speeding up, and the need to be highly adaptable in a fast paced world.

In conversation last week with a friend about personal growth and development, he mentioned that he prefers the word ‘evolution’ to that of ‘change’. His rationale is that ‘change’ creates fear in people. As creatures of habit, most people prefer things to stay the same and worry that change must mean something uncomfortable. It prompted me to think about the terms we use and to ask if change and evolution are the same thing, and when and where the words are best applied.

Changing a Light Bulb?

There are some things that definitely require to be changed not evolved. For example, I definitely change my light bulbs, they do not evolve. (The type of bulbs I use may have evolved over the years, from tungsten to energy saving, but the act of replacing them when spent is a definite change). Neither do I evolve my bed linen, my vacuum cleaner bags nor the filters in my water jug. These, though are all inanimate objects. And people are, of course, different….

Taller, More Upright, Rounder…..

The way I perform these tasks may well have changed over time – or even evolved – so perhaps the differentiation comes from here. Behaviours, skills, strategies, beliefs, opinions, systems can evolve. The human body can and does evolve – with better nutrition in the developed world, we’re now  much taller, and with the advent of the contraceptive pill, women’s body shapes have changed – or evolved. To say nothing of the way the human brain has evolved over thousand of years into its current tripartite embodiment. According to neuroscience, it’s also apparently evolving in response to the amount of time we spend online especially with regard to gaming and social media. Human thinking can also evolve, we can learn to use our inner resources more effectively, we gain by education, and our way of life has changed dramatically since the beginning of life on earth – discoveries, experiments and inventions have brought radical changes and alterations to how we conduct the daily business of living as human beings on our planet.

Now, if we are encouraging people to change – can we more easily ask them to evolve, can we evolve by volition and action, or does evolution take place naturally, almost unconsciously, in response to outside conditions but with no deliberate intervention?

I’d like to believe we can choose to evolve ourselves voluntarily, courageously, at the growing edge of experience, thought and living.

evolution

Changing or Transforming

Is transformation perhaps the more encouraging word to use? Transformation has a certain magic about it, a positive sense of something happening which offers a better, happier outcome. Or is that simply my interpretation? Does transformation contain an inbuilt element of wisdom and improvement, which change does not? There can be subtle changes, but somehow a subtle transformation does not sit well, meaning-wise, for me. Change can be for better or worse, but in my neurology, transformation is equated with betterment.

Frogs into Princes, or Vice Versa

For example, I would say ‘the witch changed the prince into a frog’ – and ‘the fairy godmother transformed the pumpkin into a splendid carriage’. Then, I suppose, if the prince wanted to become a frog for some reason, he’d consider it an improvement….And now the ‘Shrek’ movie comes to mind when the princess chooses life as an ogre because of her love for Shrek.

The Pygmalion Effect

Now I’m onto Pygmalion, whose dedicated thought and intention transformed a marble statue into a living woman for him to love…..maybe he changed his thoughts, evolved his way of being… and thus transformed and even transmuted a substance which then transformed his life….a process to realise and manifest what he wanted most?

pygmalion

I could get really deep into the linguistics here – so many nuances and shades of meaning, but I will stop for now.

Change, evolve, transform – all have their place, and it’s fascinating to continue exploring their meaning in our lives.

Five Tips for Living in Peace with Your Teens

teenage expression

How to be a calm, sane parent and
help your teenagers grow resilient

teenage expression

teenage expression


  1. Listen - very carefully. Difficult and scary as it may be, try to give your teens a place where they can express their thoughts and needs. Their world is different; be eager to understand and be curious about it and don’t condemn, judge or assume. If you want to make a comment, use their own words back to them – e.g. ‘So let me check I’m understanding you, what you’re saying is….’ (that’s why it’s listen very carefully…) They won’t argue with their own stuff…well, not too often anyway.
  2. Set firm but realistic boundaries – it’s better for everyone. It shows you care. Rules can be good news – it gives your teens a very valuable let-out when peer pressure is being applied. If they can assert with total confidence that something’s not allowed, it bolsters their strength to resist temptations to reckless behaviour.
  3. Give them space, respect, responsibility, and the benefit of the doubt. Then shut up. Really. Knowing when to bite your tongue is a key part of this. Once you’ve negotiated what’s acceptable, don’t be peering over their shoulders or prying. Trust their judgement. It’s like paying out a rope or casting a fishing line – do it bit by bit, and you can always renegotiate and reel in a little if your teen seems to demonstrate there’s too much slack.
  4. Accept there may be mistakes. Nobody’s perfect. If your mum (or dad) had known all you got up to as a teenager…would she/he have approved? Hmmm, thought not….So don’t blame, don’t make comparisons with friends or siblings, be supportive, let your teen know their unique value and that you do and always will love them. Even if it’s tough love – and especially if their behaviour is currently causing you concern or creating waves in the family. Make it a learning experience for both of you – try to see the gift in whatever’s happened, painful as it may seem in the moment.
  5. Know your place. Teens can tend to think they’ve discovered everything for the first time ever – and that as an adult and their parent you really know – nothing. Get over it. Give it a few years. Keep a wry smile handy in your repertoire. Remember the old quote from one of the ancient Greek Philosophers -

“When I was 18 my father was completely ignorant, but by the time I was 25,
it was amazing how much he’d learnt.”
Too True!


BONUS TIP 6:

Laugh. Find some common ground in humour, satire, irony – maybe through a TV programme or film. It may make you throw your hands up in horror, but ‘The Simpsons’ has some prize moments of sheer comic dis-functionality in which most of us can see a little something of ourselves, if we’re really honest. After all it’s been around for 20 years and now has its own stamp collection…..

happy, confident teens

happy, confident teens

But dads (and mums) be warned – telling bad ‘dad jokes‘ (and it seems that all dad jokes are bad jokes, even if they’re good…..) creates embarrassed looks, groans of ‘Ohhh Daaad’, rolling eyes and shrugged shoulders – you have to decide if you want to experience that. On the other hand, if you don’t do generic ‘dad jokes’, maybe your teen will miss out on being able to share horror stories with their mates…..And sharing the experience is part of growing up.

As parents, that’s what we’re there for – silent witness, loud supporter, soft shoulder or sharp wit – you’ll need all of that and more along the way. Is it worth it?  Completely - it’s one of life’s richest treasures.

For more resources and articles on personal growth and development, leadership,  education, creativity and change visit www.resourcemagazine.co.uk