How to fail your way to success

deepinthought

How to fail your way to success - why it’s good to get it wrong… sometimes

Failure, Fear, Feedback and Fascination

In business, venture capitalists know that only a small percentage of the projects they invest in will make it financially, hence they have an ‘if you’re going to fail, fail fast’ mentality so they can move on and support the companies that are succeeding and thereby recoup their investment.

The quicker you make mistakes and recover from them, changing what you do and how you do it, the more your chances of succeeding. In sales, collecting the ‘nos’ so you get closer to a ‘yes’ is a way of bolstering the spirits and confidence of the salesperson, helping them to persist and ultimately arrive at the closed sale.

There has been such a huge emphasis on ‘success’ in our world it has made it difficult for people to admit to failure, though http://crystalpalacemuseum.org.uk/talks/ it’s often the times we don’t achieve what we set out to that teach us the most, both about ourselves and our projects, and help us to be more resourceful. The idea of the ‘survival of the fittest’ is really more the survival of the most flexible and adaptable, fleet of thought and action. 

I have stories from my work with young people, where, gliding through the system with ease, with no failures or impediments until a sudden roadblock arises, has left a gifted and talented teenager devastated and unsure.  The doors that had always opened effortlessly are now suddenly slamming shut – and they have neither resources nor an alternative view of the future, nor means for coping with that upset and rejection.

They don’t know how to take the experience as a valuable resource in building resilience, and use it as a ‘set-up’ for future achievements, because they have never been taught how to manage themselves in such a way.  It’s not what our current education system does, and sadly it leaves a lot of casualties in its wake who feel branded and boxed as failures when it doesn’t need to be that way.

Failure

Adopting a different perspective, if we take ‘failure’ to mean simply not achieving the result we set out to accomplish this time, and acknowledge that we did achieve something even if it was unexpected or undesirable, it’s much easier to accept that failure is a temporary setback that can be corrected and adjusted. Moving from a position of ‘Trial and Error’ to ‘Try-all and Success’ makes a difference, and we can regroup, rethink and carry on.

Fear

If we can work with the idea that we are not going to improve with every attempt, or trial, (think experimenting and persevering, not tedium and stress!) then the fear of not achieving is removed, and we can feel more relaxed about finding new ways to approach whatever it is we want to accomplish. If we know that plateaus, dips and even troughs can occur alongside peaks and pinnacles, we can assimilate it into the way things really are, and it helps reduce the pressures.

We all know fear is a major inhibiting factor for success, but it is easier said than done to eradicate it in a world that revolves around constantly winning and being ‘right’.

Fear of failure, of being judged as in some way wanting, is something most of us have suffered from at some time and having the courage to push through allows us to go on to success.

Feedback

This is where Feedback comes in. If we can be gracious and accepting in failure, rather than sulking or quitting, we learn valuable lessons from what happens in the process, which we can take with us to the next trial. In NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) one of the presuppositions is that there is ‘no failure, only feedback’: your results tell you what you need to know to be able to move forward.

In a way, it is true, but telling that to someone who has just had exam results that definitely failed to get them into the school they wanted is a tricky business! The language around education demarcates ‘pass’ and ‘fail’ very clearly. The feedback is very clear; you didn’t answer the questions correctly.
read Feedback from failure: Learn more; apply it better for next time. Getting to the point of accepting that maybe it was for the best in the long run takes time and sensitivity.

Fascination

So what happens when you don’t get what you want? How can you deal with it more elegantly? Can you become fascinated by your ‘failure’ so that you experience it from a position of researcher, observer, analyst, in the style of the scientific method, which always attempts to disprove its hypotheses and therefore acknowledges the process rather than the outcome? Can you extract the lessons with good grace so that you use them as a lever to propel you to success?

image source If you can get to the position where you say to yourself ‘How fascinating!’ as you fail, or fall or don’t get what you want, rather than swearing or sulking, you’ll gather more clues of what needs to be done next time to succeed. Fascination is more comfortable than frustration, and more likely to bring you the outcome you want, faster.

What fascinates you about failure? What experiences could you re-vision as a resource for your future success?

We’d love to know. 

 © Christine Miller

(Adapted from ‘Fail your way to success’, first published Sept 2011 at www.birdsontheblog.co.uk

Four principles of living spiritually

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A friend sent me this today, and its simplicity resonated with me deeply – no new revelations, just reaffirmation of important things we can easily forget. 

 

Four Principles of Spiritual Living


The First Principle states:

“Whomsoever you encounter is the right one”

This means that no one comes into our life by chance. Everyone who is around us, anyone with whom we interact, represents something, whether to teach us something or to help us improve a current situation.

 The Second Principle states:

“Whatever happened is the only thing that could have happened”

Nothing, absolutely nothing of that which we experienced could have been any other way. Not even in the least important detail. There is no “If only I had done that differently…, then it would have been different…”. No. What happened is the only thing that could have taken place and must have taken place for us to learn our lesson in order to move forward. Every single situation in life which we encounter is absolutely perfect, even when it defies our understanding and our ego.

 The Third Principle states:

“Each moment in which something begins is the right moment.”

Everything begins at exactly the right moment, neither earlier nor later. When we are ready for it, for that something new in our life, it is there, ready to begin.

 The Fourth Principle states:

“What is over, is over.”

It is that simple. When something in our life ends, it helps our evolution. That is why, enriched by the recent experience, it is better to let go and move on.

Think it is no coincidence that you’re here reading this.

If these words strike a chord, it’s because you meet the requirements and understand that not one single snowflake falls accidentally in the wrong place!

Be good to yourself.

Love with your whole being.

Keep your heart aflame…

New View of The Dragon in 2012

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Originally written as a story and metaphor for a young client, this was first published in
my poetry book, ‘Secret Garden of the Soul’, here recreated and revised for 2012, 

the Year of the Water Dragon.

 

Happy Chinese New Year…

 

Love in the Dragon's Nest blog pic

Women in Business Superconference 2011

Christine

Women in Business Superconference 2011

Friday, 11 November 2011, Strand Palace Hotel, WC2  London

 

Discover How to Create the Career Path that’s Right for YOU
Learn How to Master the Unwritten Rules to achieve a rewarding & fulfilling career

 

No matter how many years you have been working in the corporate environment, this action-packed one-day Superconference will take you through all the unwritten rules that will forever change your approach to business.

On the day, you will learn what you MUST DO and HOW to do it!

√   Get clear on how business really works, why it works and how you can position yourself to make it work for you

√   Create a series of strategies that you can draw on that’s to everyone’s advantage (including your own)

√   Stop giving away your precious time and start valuing your contribution properly

√   See how networking really works! And stop wasting time at the wrong events

√   Position yourself so you become a go-to person rather than you always trying to beg others for their time

√   Avoid techniques that DON’T work – please ignore well meaning “mentors” who try and persuade you that they have your interest at heart… you will learn the  ’To Do’s’ as well as the “Not To Do’s’

√   Realise how important your input is in these difficult times and why your company needs you

 

We have secured a discount of 20% for you for this exciting first-of-its-kind event.  (Simply use the network discount code “RESOURCE ” once you click into Paypal).

 

Please note: There are fewer than 20 tickets left.

 

Click here to find out more about the agenda & and how to secure your ticket:  http://womeninbusinesssuperconference.com/

 

How to have better relationships with your teenagers

friends

 

Resourceful Little Treasures

© Christine Miller

In recent years there has been an upsurge of interest and concern in relation to children’s emotional and mental health. Media stories about bullying in schools, excluded children, disaffected youths creating mayhem in their communities, concerns about child pornography and the safety of the internet – all have been presented in the nation’s living rooms, and whether we judge the publicity good or bad, it is now important to recognise that the well being of our children is of widespread interest and concern. Some years ago, a government report, “Promoting Children’s Mental Health within Early Years and School Settings” (DfES[i]: 2001) stated that “the mental health of children is everyone’s business”, and that adult society as a whole needed to recognise the importance of children’s mental health and emotional literacy.

Self-esteem

Sense of identity

Strong family relationships

Good communications with teachers and peer groups

The above are widely acknowledged as key elements in children who are resilient, and the risk factors for mental ill-health increase with every element missing from the list of desirable conditions.

[Read more...]

Happy Chinese New Year

Tiger, Ranthambore National Park, Rajasthan, India in October 2008
Tiger photographed on safari at Ranthambore, India, October 2008

Tiger photographed on safari at Ranthambore, India

We at ReSource were thrilled to be able to visit India, and one of the highlights was our tour of Rajasthan: an amazing place of contrasts (like the whole of India!) where we were privileged to be able to go on a tiger safari. The entire three weeks we spent in India was a source of inspiration and joy – the sub continent has an uncanny ability to draw you out and encourage your personal growth!

About Ranthambore National Park

Once we knew we were going to India in Autumn 2008, we started to look for the most enriching experiences there – and something that really stood out as a must-do, must-see was to go on a tiger safari.


These big cats seen in their natural environment held great fascination, and we found ourselves heading for Ranthambore National Park in Rajasthan, a protected area, one of the few places in India where tigers are still regularly seen, even in the daytime, and are breeding.

Formerly a hunting preserve for the Maharaja of Jaipur, Ranthambore covers an area of 392 sq. km. and is nestled between the Aravali and Vindhya mountain ranges. This deciduous forest was once a part of the magnificent jungles of Central India. The rugged terrain, hills and open valleys with lakes and pools makes it a really romantic and picturesque place to be.


It seems we arrived at just the right time, and that we even had good ‘karma’, according to the locals, as we were able to see several tigers in the course of our three day safari. The excitement of being so close to these amazing creatures was almost indescribable, a real privilege – in fact, quite an emotional experience for all concerned, and something I would recommend wholeheartedly if you have the chance to visit.

www.ranthamborenationalpark.com