Ask Christine – Christine Miller

How to cope with the stress of student life

Dear Christine,

My daughter has revised hard and is expected to achieve excellent A-level grades. But over the past few weeks she has become increasingly worried and anxious about going away to university and what may be expected of her. This is a time when she should be looking forward to her future but instead she is locking herself in her room and becoming very depressed. What can I do?

I’m assuming this depression is an isolated condition for your daughter, not an ongoing problem. As a young adult, about to begin life away from home, your daughter will have natural anxieties about leaving and becoming independent.

You say she “should” be looking forward to her future; however, this is a time of great change and uncertainty, and her anxiety is probably based on her holding unrealistic expectations of herself, coupled with high expectations she feels others have of her. Acknowledging and encouraging her to explore these feelings often allows them to evaporate.

Humour, patience and open communications are vital. Since she is focusing on the possible downside of going to university, help her begin anticipating positively, perhaps planning trips to buy new clothes/equipment, and gently reminding her that, initially, universities expect freshers to be nervous and uncertain.

This is a major life transition, and even outwardly confident students will have underlying concerns including:

“Will anyone like me?”

“Will I be able to cope with the work/finances/social life?”

Essentially, everyone is in the same boat, and once your daughter realises she is not alone in her fears, they will rapidly diminish. Reassure her that you will still be there for support, if wanted, and that emails, texts and phone calls will keep her in touch with friends and family.

Talking to students already settled at university, together with some online research would also help. Listed below are resources.

http://www.thesite.org/workandstudy/studying/studentlife/studentstress

http://www.mind.org.uk/help/diagnoses_and_conditions/stress_of_student_life

http://www.studentdepression.org/stress_anxiety_and_anger.php

http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/Pages/Coping-with-exam-stress.aspx

How to Build Your Self Esteem

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Building Your Self Esteem

“Dear Christine,

Progress in my life has been dogged by very low self esteem – always as a child put down by my mother and lately by my husband.
Do I have to go through life like this? Help!”

PJ, London, UK

Dear PJ,

First of all, I’d like to commend you for writing to ask for help. That’s an excellent step towards taking charge of your life now, and becoming more confident in asking for your needs to be met. Also, acknowledging that sometimes you feel less good about yourself is another healthy step towards building your self worth and love for yourself. And, be assured, if you decide to do so, then you can certainly change the way you go through life.

Now I’m going to make an assumption that since you’re asking for advice, you have decided that you want to make changes in the way you are going through your life. I’m also going to assume that you’re prepared to consider the suggestions that may be offered to you – and when you choose, to take action on those suggestions.

As I can’t ask you directly how you would define self-esteem, then let me describe what self-esteem means to me both professionally and personally.

How to Overcome Depression

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Overcoming Depression

“Dear Christine,

I saw a special about Terry Bradshaw who has depression and I read a book by William Styron on his depression. This morning I felt like I could not bear to work today. I did and feel fine now but it is a common thing for me. I don’t want to take pills but I will try it. I would like to know if there is something I can do to avoid this incapacitating reticence to do anything.”

BG, Canton, TX, USA

Dear BG,

First of all, BG, I’m assuming that you have checked with your doctor to make sure that there are no underlying physical conditions which might lead to your feeling reticent to do anything. If you have the physical all-clear, then, because, as you say, it is a common thing for you to feel that you can’t bear to work, perhaps your doctor could refer you for counselling to help you identify and resolve what may be underlying your feelings.

I am wondering, have you experienced any recent changes in your sleeping patterns, your eating habits (either over or under eating), your use of alcohol or other stimulants; do you have a tendency to sigh a lot, to cry a lot, to withdraw from friends and family and feel unloved? These are some of the possible signs of depression, but remember that almost everyone experiences mood changes and periods of feeling “low” in response to life’s normal challenges, and they pass quite quickly. It’s when the conditions are severe and/or persistent that therapy or medication might be necessary. Sometimes, there’s an unrealistic expectation that we “should” love life and be happy,

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Filed Under: Ask Christine Tagged With: depression, happy, love, mood changes, pills, reticence, signs of depression, work

How to Develop Motivation & Zest for Life

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Developing Motivation & Zest for Life

“Dear Christine,

I have read several self help books. Tried several techniques. On many occasions have attempted to start a journal, hoping to work on goals, self esteem and prosperity creation.
However good a start I make I find it so difficult to keep motivated, my self doubt creeps in. Being motivated and having enthusiasm for things in life has been a great problem for me since the loss of both my parents and my partner over a period of eight months. Any advice on how I can regain my zest and love for life? I have tried many things all to no avail: is there any hope for me?” JR, Durham, UK

Dear JR

First of all, allow me to express my sympathy for your loss of your parents and your partner over a very short period of time. Such loss certainly requires a period of mourning and readjustment which will not necessarily be swift. It is perfectly normal and even desirable to have many feelings – of sadness, loneliness and even hopelessness – when faced with the gaps in our lives left by the departure of loved ones, whether through death or separation. Acknowledging and even welcoming these feelings is an important part of the process of recovery, and

How to cope with the stress of student life

How to cope with the stress of student life